Never give up on yourself

For many years I found myself looking in the mirror feeling disgusted and unhappy with the person I saw staring back at me.

I felt miserable and depressed because everything I put on in my cupboard was either too tight, exposing the areas I would rather have kept covered or it just didn’t fit me at all.

Being an emotional eater, it was hard for me.

Everytime I felt stressed, angry, anxious or worried about something I ate. My eating had spiralled so out of control that I was no longer wearing a size 34.  I was now wearing a size 38 bordering on a 40.

Having to look at myself in the mirror everyday made me feel so unhappy. I knew that if I didn’t do something about it, it was going to affect my mind and soon my entire life.

At the end of 2016 I decided to go to gym.  I wanted to lose a bit of weight but I didn’t want to be skinny.

Going to gym 5 to 6 times a week,  really helped me tone my body in all the right places and I am happy with the results I see.  I was never on a diet.  I just tried to eat balanced meals everyday and tried my best not to eat luxuries from a Monday to Thursday.

However, I never deprived myself of luxuries or something nice but I kept that for weekends because that’s normally when most of us whine down after a hard week at work.

This lifestyle has worked for me because I came down from a size 38 to almost fitting into a size 32 and I am very proud of my progress.

I set myself a goal at the end of 2016 and I told myself that by the end of 2017 I want to be confident enough to do a photo shoot wearing a two piece swimsuit and I did.

IMG_0409 copy

As you all can see I am not a skinny girl at all and I don’t want to be.  I just want to look and be healthy not only for myself but for my daughter too because she looks up to me.

Just because you are plus size doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take care of yourself and your health.

Being healthy and keeping fit is important too and we shouldn’t lose focus on that.

I know that many women out there find it hard to pick themselves up again after picking up a lot of weight.  They feel discouraged and are extremely hard on themselves about it so they go into a state of depression.

Ladies, I want to tell you today that you are not alone.  We as women all go through this phase at some stage of our lives.  Skinny girls struggle to pick up weight and plus size girls struggle to lose the weight.  It’s all part of life.

So don’t be so hard on yourself.  Take it one day at a time.  To me progress is progress no matter how big or small it is.  The key is to never lose focus and to keep your mind on the end game.

I always tell my daughter there is no such thing as I can’t do something.  There is only something like I can because the Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

IMG_0432 copy

IMG_0413 copy

Outfit Details:

Swimsuit:  The Fix

Photography done by Dale Sylvester from Deesquared Photography

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

Masters of Manipulation

Why do some men think that they have so much control over us?

As if we are their puppets and they are our puppeteers?

Why do we as women allow men to make us feel inferior just because we are different?

There are so many women out there being manipulated on a daily basis by their current partners or their exes and the question is why?

Because they think we are weak.

Men know that we are emotional beings so they find ways to manipulate us by making us believe that whatever went wrong in our relationship is our fault.

They put us on a guilt trip of note that makes us feel weak and insecure and this is how they manipulate their way back into our lives again.

I know that sometimes when we are in the moment we tend to forget about the real reasons why we left them in the first place.  So, we go back only to find ourselves back in the same place we were before again.  A place of unhappiness.

In moments like these, we need to simmer down and take a moment to think.  We all know that when we break up with someone there is usually a reason why.  We didn’t just wake up one day and decide we are going to break up with our partner.  In most cases something must have happened to push us to that point.

Some men seem to think we are weak but we are not.  We are strong, beautiful and confident women, who deserve better.

If your instinct tells you that this man isn’t right for you, trust it because your instinct is there for a reason.

Ladies, I encourage you not to fall victim to this type of abuse.  Take a stand and take back your power because you are a phenomenal woman and you deserve better.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

IMG_0463 copy

IMG_0454 copy

IMG_0459 copy

IMG_0452 copy

IMG_0460 copyIMG_0479 copy

Outfit Details:

Swim Suite:  Luscious By Lauren

Earrings:  Lovisa

Sunglasses:  The Haute Accessory

Photography done by Dales Sylvester from DeeSquared Photograpy

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

Free at last

So much has happened this past year.

Looking back at it now,  I have absolutely no regrets.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything in life has purpose.  Whether it’s good or bad, it is meant to be a lesson and one should take the opportunity to learn from it instead of complain about it.

Many of us have to deal with so much pain, heartache, abuse, embarrassment, resentment and lies in our relationships that it starts to kill us on the inside.  Some women get revenge, others get even and the Queens just let it go and use what they learnt to show others that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It really takes a big woman to keep her mouth shut when there is so much mess going on in her life.  It may look easy on the outside but on the inside it most definitely isn’t.

Sometimes we just want to cry and scream our lungs out and then there are times when we just have to pick up our heart’s from the floor and keep it moving.

For those of you who think 2017 was an easy year for me, let me be the one to tell you it wasn’t.

What 2017 taught me was that I am a woman of great faith and strength. It has taught me that no matter how hard things get, you cannot allow your circumstances to define you.

If you really want to move forward in life, all you can do is face it and deal with it, head on. Running away from it and hiding is not going to help, it will just make things worse.  Don’t let every negative thing, comment or gossip story affect you. Especially when you know it isn’t true.  You don’t have to prove anything to anybody.  If you allow every negative thing in your life to affect you it will hinder your opportunity for growth.

To me, negativity is just another word for a distraction and many of us get so caught up in the negative drama that we completely lose focus and forget about the things that are actually important in our lives.

I am happy to announce that on 18 December 2017, my divorce was finalised. I feel a sense of relief to finally be free of all the negativity that went on in my life.

Now I can focus more on the important things in life and start my new journey with my daughter.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

Roelse Events-4[1]

Roelse Events-27[1]

Roelse Events-42[1]

Roelse Events-9[1]

Roelse Events-26[1]

Roelse Events-40[1]

Roelse Events-1[1]

Outfit Details:

High Waisted Shorts:  The Fix

Bra:  Temptations at Edgars

Denim Shirt:  The Fix

Sunglasses:  Legit

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse from Roelse Events

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

Taking a break

It’s that time of the year again when our minds and bodies start to shut down and remind us that we need a break.

Looking back at this year I have learned so much about myself.

And despite all the hardships I have endured, I have grown into a strong and bold young woman.

Every day I am amazed at how my past experiences have helped mould me into the phenomenal woman I have become.

And for that I am entirely grateful.

RoelseEvents-58[1]

Lord knows how much I am looking forward to 2018.  

2017 has left a bitter sweet taste in my mouth and it is for that reason that 2018 is going to be my year of fulfilment.

I have officially declared that it will be my year of new beginnings.  

Filled with lots of joy and laughter, new opportunities, exceptional growth and loads of success.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone who has followed me throughout my journey.  

Thank you so much for your continuous love and support.  I really appreciate it.

I would also like to thank all my prayer warriors out there who is always standing in the gap for me. 

Thank you for always having my back when times are dark and always having my best interest at heart.  I love you guys and I know that you will all be blessed abundantly by our Father for all that you do. 

I have decided that I will be taking a break from blogging to spend some time with my daughter, friends and my family over this festive season.

This will sadly be my last post for 2017 but rest assured I will be back with a huge bang.  So watch this space.

I would like to wish you and your family well over this festive season.  Don’t party too hard and  don’t drink too much LOL because I need you all back here in 2018 so please be safe on the roads.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

RoelseEvents-77[1]

RoelseEvents-61[1]

RoelseEvents-62[1]

RoelseEvents-75[2]

Outfit Details:

Shoes:  The Fix (Vintage)

Shorts:  The Fix

Dress worn as a shirt:  Mr Price

Choker:  Luscious By Lauren

Sunglasses:  The Haute Accessory

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse from Roelse Events

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speak up or Shut up

I have a major problem with people that smile in your face and talk about you behind your back.

I call these people FAKE.  These people are not your friends.

If you have something to say about someone, have the guts to say it to their face.

Don’t hide behind your phone or your computer and put up status updates or make funny comments that are directed at someone specific.

Just because you are not using that person’s name doesn’t mean they don’t know that you are talking about them.  

If there was a rolling eyes emoji I would be using it right now.

Talking crap and throwing shade at other people on social media is a form of bullying.

Just because you are not mentioning the person’s name doesn’t make it okay for you to do it.

Unless you have the facts that can back you up for what you are saying then why are you even entertaining the conversation?  It’s just plain childish.

If you feel the need to share it as a status update. You are creating a platform for a discussion.

Remember that people are inquisitive.  

They will go so far as to inbox you, to find out who the person is you are referring to.  Just to make sure it is not them you are talking about. #Gossipingstarts

To me, this feels like school all over again.  

People talk crap about you, smile in your face and as soon as you turn your back, funny comments are being made and the giggling starts.

Why do you feel the need to make someone else feel uncomfortable in their own social space?  

If you don’t like the person just say so to their face, unfriend them and keep it moving.

Don’t go behind their back and say all kinds of nasty things about them just so that you can feel better about yourself.

Bullying is bullying period.  Whether it is in person or on social media it is the same thing.

I will not stand for this type of behavior.

My mother always said, ” If you don’t have anything good to say about someone else, hold your tongue and keep your thoughts to yourself.

No one else needs to know your opinion.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

Outfit Details:

Shoes:  The Fix

Shorts:  Choice Clothing

Top:  Mr Price

Choker:  Luscious by Lauren

Sunglasses:  Legit

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse of Roelse Events

 

 

Growth is optional

When I started my blog last year, I felt very insecure and unsure of myself.

I knew what i wanted to do but I still wasn’t sure of how I was going to do it.

This made me feel extremely vulnerable.

I knew in my heart that I wanted to help other women but I wasn’t entirely sure if they would be able to relate to someone like me.

Looking back now, I see a great change in me.

I am bold, strong and one thousand times more confident than I was before.  Somehow, speaking about my life’s struggles has made me realise that I am not alone and that there are other women out there who struggle with the same things that I do.

I used to have major issues with my weight.  Now, I am much more comfortable with who I am and I love the person I have become.

Most importantly, I don’t let negative people’s opinions affect me anymore.

I have learnt that change is inevitable.  It is going to happen whether you like it or not.

But growth on the other hand is optional and if you choose to grow it helps you evolve into the person you are destined to become.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

Outfit details:

Shoes:  The Fix

Shorts:  The Fix

Denim dress worn as a top: Mr price

Choker: Shop Brett Robson

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse from Roelse Photography
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

When the thirst gets real

There is nothing I hate more in this world than guys randomly sliding their dick pics in my DM’s.

I find it disgusting and very disturbing.

What makes you think that this kind of behavior is okay?

If you think it is going to make me like you more, you are mistaken.  In fact, it will just make me unfriend you and block you even more.

Don’t you understand that you are violating my space.  That you are indirectly forcing me to see something I have no interest in seeing.

You are taking my right away to say no!

Force is a crime.  Whether you are doing it in real life or on social media it boils down to the same thing.  Don’t think because you hide behind your computer screen that you are not doing something wrong because you are.

What happened to respect? What happened to self respect?  Has that just flown out by the door?

It seems to me that in today’s world anything goes.

Why are we being undervalued?  Why are we being seen as objects and not as human beings?  We are people just like you and we have feelings, thoughts and opinions too, or doesn’t that matter?

This is exactly why I don’t entertain small talk in my DM’s.

It has become a hunting ground for some men to prey on women and I don’t like it.

Please stay out of my DM’s.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

\

Outfit Details:

Shoes:  Legit

Shorts:  Choice Clothing

Top:  Mr Price

Sunglasses:  Legit

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse From Roelse Events

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

Think before you speak

I am ashamed to admit it, but I am guilty of doing this.

I simply just don’t think before I speak.

I know that I shouldn’t say negative things about myself, but it’s so hard when you are going through tough times to believe in that moment that things are going to get better.

Many of us, can’t even begin to realise how powerful our words are. The Bible says our tongue is like a double-edged sword so that means that our words carry a lot of power.

Our words carry so much power that it can either help uplift us or completely destroy us.

There is this poem that we have behind our bathroom door that I simply love and I thought it would be so fitting to share some of it with you:

“Watch your thoughts because they becomes words”

“Watch your words they become actions”

“Watch your actions they become habit”

“Watch your habits, they become character”

“And watch your character for it becomes your destiny”

It is extremely important that we stop allowing negative things to be in the forefront of our minds.

It is due to our fear of things that we allow such blockages to take control over our lives.

Instead of being negative, let’s choose to become more positive by speaking positive things over our lives.

We all have enough haters out there speaking bad about us all the time. Why do we need to give them more power over us by speaking badly about ourselves too.

Remember that words, dreams and thoughts have the power to create conditions in our lives.

And whatever we speak about we bring about in our lives.

So next time you want to say something, think before you speak.

Stay true to yourself.

The CandyKween

Outfit Details:

Shoes:  Mr Price

Bermuda:  Altered by myself

Top:  The Fix

Choker:  Shop Brett Robson

Sunglasses:  The Haute Accessory

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse from Roelse Events

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

Spring cleaning my life

I am tired of people always trying to put me in a box.

Always labeling me and telling me who and what I’m supposed to be.

Honestly, I don’t have time for people who don’t know my worth.

I was not made to be a carbon copy.  I was born to be me.  One of a kind and different.

So stop convincing me that I wont be able to achieve things in my life just because it doesn’t conform to the standards you have set for yourself.

I have no place for you in my life.  All you do is break me down because the things I want seems unattainable to you.

Today I am spring cleaning my life.  Getting rid of all those rotten apples that don’t belong in my basket.  I choose to surround myself with positive people.  People who will encourage me, pray for me and support me through the good, the bad and the ugly with no judgement.

I am making room for the people who really believe in my dreams just as much as they believe in me.

My advice to you today is, never allow anyone to put limits on what you can achieve in your life because with people there are always limits but with God there are none.

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

Outfit Details:

Shoes:  The Fix

Belt:  Shop Brett Robson

Choker:  Luscious by Lauren

Sunglasses:  Luscious by Lauren

Playsuit:  Choice clothing

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse from Roelse Events

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

It’s time for women to take back the power

For many years, I have seen women carrying their pain in silence and for the longest time I was one of them.

I chose to keep my scars hidden so that nobody could see my pain but secretly those scars were killing me on the inside.

I have found that people tend to focus so much of their energy on finding healing on the outside that they forget that true healing can only take place from the inside.

Each day we stand up feeling helpless. That feeling of continuous pain and heartache just doesn’t want to go away. It eats at us day after day after day, until we finally find alternative ways that will take those feelings away.

Many women find healing in drugs, alcohol, sex (to feel loved for a moment), and even cutting (self harm) etc. and others just can’t deal with the pain anymore so they choose to quit at life and take their lives instead.

Today, I come to you and I urge you to take back the power.

The power is yours and no one else’s. It is time for you to speak your truth and to stop being a prisoner of your own thoughts and feelings. It is time to tell your story so that you can be freed from your emotions.  It is time to let go.

Did anyone ever tell you that your strength lies in your testimony?

I always say that your testimony is like a wound that you have kept covered for far too long. Now that it is open it will finally get a chance to breath.  Once the scab is formed, it falls off and then healing can take place when the scar is formed.

Your scars tells a story. It is part of who you are.

Help us, to help you make a difference in someone else’s life. Share your story. There are so many people out there, who are going through the same things that you have already been through and now you have the power to help them get through it.

We are starting a movement called take back the power. Where we want women of all walks of life to stand up, speak out and take back the power.

We are busy creating a platform for women to start sharing their stories to help encourage others.

Over the next few weeks we are starting a big production and would like you to be a part of it. We are shooting a music video, which will be the anthem of this movement and we will need your help to make this happen.

In the music video we will be focusing on the following topics:

  • Bullying
  • Emotional/Verbal/Physical Abuse
  • Body Shaming
  • Racism
  • Gender Inequality
  • Single mom – struggles
  • If you were ever cheated on

So if you are a woman or a transgender who resides in Cape Town and you have dealt with issues like these in your life, please send us your stories. It is very important to us that people know they are not alone.

If your story is chosen, you will not only be featured in this music video but your full length interview will be featured on another platform that I will be launching soon.

We are also looking for student actors and actresses to come in for auditions for the music video. This is not a paid gig but it will give you some exposure. If you are interested or know someone who might be then please share this post with them.

We are also looking to collaborate with make up artists for the production of this shoot. Unfortunately like I mentioned earlier, this is not a paid gig. You and your work will be featured in this video so you will be able to use it as part of your portfolio.

Lastly, we would like to invite all women, young and old to be part of this movement. Come out in your numbers on the last day of our production and we will feature you at the end of the video.

This movement is meant to empower women. So come out and support the movement.

Let us stop hating on one another and let us come together in unity to support one another in our times of struggle.

If you have been through things in your life that was meant to destroy you then this is your opportunity to stand together with other women who are just like you.

This is your time to stand up, speak out and take back the power.

You can send all your stories to destinyunlockedblog@gmail.com.

We are so excited to start this movement and cannot wait to hear from you.

We will be sending out all the information regarding the auditions for the shoot and when the shoot days will be taking place during the course of this week, so keep your eyes peeled for it.

Please join our movement.

#Standup #Speakout #Takebackthepower

Stay true to yourself.

CandyKween

Outfit details:

Shoes:  The Fix

Dress:  Mr Price

Belt:  Chinese Shop

Choker:  Luscious by Lauren

Sunglasses:  The Haute Accessory

Photography done by Radcliffe Roelse and Courtney Roelse from Roelse Events

Follow my blog with Bloglovin